Finally, we are already familiar with the basic definition of enmeshment and why it happens from the previous studies! When solving problems, however, one must first determine the problem before thinking of solutions. The next step now is to determine what kind of enmeshed dynamic hits closest to home- but be warned, the following might trigger some long-buried familial wounds.

The following enmeshed family dynamics are never explicitly talked about or mentioned in Filipino media as it is taboo to talk about family problems outside of the family. The written descriptions, however, might be more familiar to us than what it’s called

 

1. Parentification or Role-Reversal 

Parentified children take on the role of the caregiver and are given obligations that are inappropriate for their age (Brochet, 2020).

Parentification shows itself through kids who grew up having a lot of responsibilities, such as having to care for their supposed caregivers and/or siblings, and stepping up to take the lead of their household, such as handling the household’s finances (Romanoff, as cited by Gupta, 2023). Children of these households often grow up selfless, responsible, structured, and sensitive. They may grow up with good self esteem if their efforts were always recognized, or the opposite with increased stress and anxiety from constantly having to deal with being doted on. 

 

2. Infantilization 

Infantilization is a behavioral pattern in which a person or a family member treats a capable person as if they were a child for an extended period of time (Loggins, 2023).

In this dynamic, the thoughts and needs of infantilized children are often downplayed, and they may need frequent contact when it comes to deciding what to do for themselves. The infantilization of the children in these families often highly impacts their development, leading to possible behavioral disorders growing up (Nuttall et al., 2019). They may grow up with low self-confidence, low self-esteem, decision-making anxiety, and feeling a lack of purpose, due to the constant coddling and overprotectiveness hindering their sense of self.

 

3. Adultification 

Adultification is a bias or expectation that a child is more mature for their age, so they may be encouraged to assume adult roles and responsibilities (Burton, 2007 as cited by Garber, 2011). 

Not to be confused with Parentification, Adultification focuses on the bias or expectation, rather than the kid assuming caregiving responsibilities. Adultified individuals are seen as an ally, a comrade, or a companion, and get prematurely exposed to adult matters (Burton, 2007 as cited by Garber, 2011). Like infantilization, the children under this dynamic can end up developing behavioral issues, such as anxiety, depression, and anger, due to not having a proper childhood, and the pressure to solve other’s problems or mediate arguments. 

 

4. Emotional or Covert Incest

Covert Incest describes the behavior of a parent who becomes dependent on a child for emotional support, intimacy, or companionship (Love & Adams, 1991).

The APA Dictionary of Psychology describes this dynamic as a covert form of emotional abuse, as the children act as surrogate spouses to their parents. Although similar to Adultification, this dynamic differs in the emotional and intimate sense, where the parent overly dotes on the child and overshares their adult experiences with them regardless of how appropriate it is, as well as making the child accountable for their well-being. Dealing with this kind of dynamic can cause behavioral issues, similar to Infantilization and Adultification, to manifest in adulthood. Covert Incest may overlap with other dynamics mentioned.

 

The Takeaway

Like what was stated in the second study, there is no “one size fits all” sweater that perfectly describes everybody’s experiences with family enmeshment. The dynamics tackled in this study are the more common concepts studied with prior research. Any of them can, in fact, overlap with each other, and an individual can also experience multiple dynamics over the years depending on the change in their circumstances growing up. 

We have now discussed the basics of Enmeshment in the context of Filipino families, as well as the common dynamics it manifests in. All that’s left now is to reflect about our personal experiences and figure out how to move forward – by taking the necessary steps to improve the damage done, and addressing future potential issues with better understanding and a healthier mindset.