Picture yourself wearing your best knitwear of any kind, but getting it caught in random things and places- like a zipper, or a door handle. Isn’t it quite the nuisance? Somehow, that simple scenario reflects the concept of enmeshment quite well.

Enmeshment is essentially a condition in which people are too involved in each others’ activities to the point that the boundaries between them are blurred (Bacon & Conway, 2022). 

In our previous analogy, the individual threads that make up that knitwear represent us and the people we are entangled with, such that when one gets caught in something, it drags the entire knit alongside it. In any type of enmeshment, the common denominator would be the overinvolvement and blurred boundaries. Sound familiar? It’s more common than you think. 

 

Family Enmeshment and the Filipino Identity

We all know that one of the strongest values we all share, as Filipinos, is the importance of family above all, or “pagpapahalaga sa pamilya.” Family to us isn’t just about the glamorous extended family reunions, or the restaurant “blowouts” during birthdays and wedding anniversaries. It is also taking others’ problems as your own, and being a literal pillar of the family. There’s even a saying for it, that my grandma used to tell me all the time:

“Blood is thicker than water.”

Family may clash a lot but at the end of the day, they are still family. Filipino solidarity might be a very foreign concept compared to highly individualistic societies in countries like the United States, so it’s unfair to strictly include these values as the sole cause of family enmeshment in the Philippines. However, distorted views on these values affect personal boundaries and an individual’s self and identity, and can in-fact, be linked to enmeshment – such as twisting the values to manipulate or guilt-trip.

 

The Takeaway

Enmeshment is simply the blurring of boundaries and self-identity between two or more persons in romantic, familial, or even financial relationships. Enmeshment, in the context of the Filipino identity, is often seen but not limited to familial relationships. Even if Filipinos have strong familial ties, the values should not be painted in a negative light by default, as these values don’t always allude to abusive relations.